The Harder I Try To Leave

The harder Tucson seems to be working to keep me here. 

I put in countless applications to places in Chicago. I go there and network. Never get a call back. I resolve to keep going, but get exhausted.

On a whim, I apply for an HR tech position here in Tucson. I thought it was in Phoenix, and was even finding pros in that scenario. Well, Tucson called me back. Right away. 

Then not much else happened for a while. This was hard because this was one of the first positions I was genuine excited about and confident in. Of course, I didn’t want to let it pass by either. Rather than obsess and stress over it, I tried with all my might to just let it be. I started having fun at work, working the opportunity into conversation periodically to demonstrate persistent interest, but not letting it consume me. I began to take pride in my work rather than focus on how much it sucks. This is my job now, let it be a great job now. 

This theme of living in the now seems to keep popping up, and I realized how little appreciation I show for all that I do have. It’s been humbling.  

I am blessed with a great job with the flexibility to go see my family almost any time I want.

I am blessed with a great HR who encourages me to do what is best for my development.

I am blessed with great friends who are encouraging me and loving me, who are sharing in my excitement. 

Well… tomorrow I interview for that same job, and there is an overwhelming peace that I am going to knock it out of the water and end up there.

I feel like the more I look, the more I already have what I am looking for. I still can’t figure out, however, what walls I am putting up that prevent me from seeing this. What lies do I keep telling myself that this isn’t good enough and there must be something better out there? Obviously God was trying to tell me something by not letting me run away.  I keep accidentally discovering roots and fertilizing them. God kept that feeling of dissolution there every time I thought about moving. My head told me it would work, but there was no tangible proof of that, in reality. Now if God told me to GO, and I didn’t because of my own unresolved issues, that would be disobedience. God already knew it was working right here. 

It seems like he’s telling me to stay until further notice. Further notice could be tomorrow, or ten years from now.  

Good thing there are airplanes and a new attitude toward air travel.