Another Way

Of late, my paradigm is shifting – I am beginning to ponder big picture changes that would be completely life altering in the way I approach my future as it relates to my career. I am currently in the best and worst job I have ever had in my life. It is best in terms of the pay and stability, but it is the worst in terms of the emotional stress and feelings of purposelessness.

Recently my small group at Elements City Church went through the What On Earth Am I Here For? Study inspired by Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. Yes, you can mock me all you want for reading that book ten years after the initial craze. It challenged me to think about my purpose and whether or not I am exercising my spiritual gifts in light of my heat, personalities, and abilities. Upon further examination, the clear answer is negative. Can I do my job now successfully? Yes. Do I enjoy the people I work with? Yes. Am I blessed and can I be a blessing in this situation? Yes. I know I have been at this job for a reason, and I have learned immense amount as it relates to the professional realm, my own personality, and God in this season. For that, I am grateful.

I look at the way corporate America operates. We ship boxes 24 hours a day without batting an eye to people who want their items NOW. We never stop – anything – ever. We never stop to pause and reflect. We never stop to rest. We never stop to rest our souls. Vacations come laden with guilt and the fear of what mess you will encounter upon your return. Your hours and life are centered on their operations and their needs. The pay is good enough to survive comfortably, which leads most people to stay. They stay until they break and cannot handle any more.

Until recently, I have felt trapped by the financial safety and security. I have felt that there is no other way to survive. Then I began to take a look around and a step back. Other elements are suffering that are more important. My body is breaking down from the lack of any sort of stability in hours. I am so emotionally drained at the end of the day that I have no energy to invest in the relationships that really matter. I don’t know where I got it in my head that the situation I was in was the only way to be successful and I would ultimately fail if I walked away. God is bigger.

The Purpose Driven Life made me realize that I am not passionate about my current situation. It also made me realize that my desires and interests are healthy and normal, and I should embrace them as a gift from God. My interests and path are NOT to be defined by corporate America, or anyone else for that matter, only God. I also began to realize that just about everyone in my life sustains themselves financially, and they are doing that in a myriad of ways. There ARE other options. I do not have to do something that is going completely against the grain to survive. God wants me to operate WITH His grain.

In an effort to escape over the last year or so, I have been looking for other opportunities. I didn’t realize it in the moment, but God did not open those doors because they were too similar to my current situation and did not foster my passions. I would be in the same place I am now again six months from now. God is calling me to challenge my current paradigm in a bigger way. What if there was a job that was flexible? What if I could work from home part of the time to raise my future family? What if there was a job that paid more than my current job AND used my passions and skills? What if it didn’t pay more but He continued to provide adequately and I was far richer in ways I cannot even imagine?

Would I still have to work hard? Yes. Would there still be difficult times? Yes. Is there potential to mitigate the stress with the joy that I am living out my skills, gifts and passions from God? Yes.

With God, all things are possible, and those items listed above are NOT impossible. The thoughts that I can’t do that, or don’t deserve it, or it doesn’t exist are lies. If that is truly my heart, God will make away. However, I can’t go toward that until I let down the fear keeping me from taking the step away from my current situation. God keeps telling me I need to give up something good to get something better. It is so extremely hard to let go of what is good and safe. This is not trusting that God has my best interests are heart. Did I need to learn contentment and trust in my current situation? Absolutely. Does that mean I need to let my current situation prohibit me from doing something I am passionate about? Absolutely not.

I recently have complete peace about stepping away from my current employer in the very near future. This, however, would be the first time that I am ending a job without a natural separation such as a contract end, promotion, or relocation. There is a natural amount of angst in the immediate sphere about leaving my team and the stability. However, there is peace about working toward a greater goal and living out God’s purpose for my life. Is another opportunity in the works? Yes. Does this opportunity have a lot of unknowns and risk that are scarier than the comfort of my current situation? Yes. Does this opportunity have the potential to be all of the above and more if I just trust God? Yes. That’s the kicker. Trusting something I cannot see has never been a strong suit for this process driven, experiential learner. God is still nudging me to go for it. Is this immediate opportunity the right one? Maybe yes, maybe no. Is He telling me to continue to step out on faith no matter what it takes until I am fully living for Him? Yes.

Years ago, God outlined a very clear career path for me that I had almost forgotten about completely in the midst of my current chaos. It was a three part equation to the ultimate end goal of using my communications and architecture skills to flip homes and revitalize neighborhoods and lives in a multi-faceted way. The idea was obscure, immense, and easily dismissed due to the magnitude of the situation. However, God did not say this would happen overnight. Who am I to define His timing and give up on something He told me to do? This opportunity could easily be part two. My current job, in hindsight, was a slightly less conventional part one. The fact that I started the process for part two effortlessly, almost accidentally, only to get the most positive response from an employer I have ever received shows me God may just have His hand in this.

The last year or two in Tucson has also put another call in my heart. This call is to live in a close knit, geographically condensed community where I spend less time driving and more time embracing relationships. While I enjoy my current life dearly, it is not sustainable. It is time to cut some unnecessary parts out to make room for things that matter. The opportunity has that potential in a city I immediately felt at home in. The best part is perhaps the fact that I would be a mere seventy miles or less from the family I have always longed to be near, even if only for a season. This call has been on my life as long as I can remember. Will it be extremely difficult to leave a great church family only to enter into a world full of strangers? Absolutely. Is it possible that God has a family waiting to receive me that I am not even aware of? Without a doubt.  

While this is all still rather preliminary, the overall plan is rather accelerated. I could potentially have to make a lot of significant decisions and have a lot of crucial, potentially difficult conversations in a short period of time. Most definitely, I will have to learn a lot of new information while in a thoroughly exhausted state of mind. I trust that God will sustain me through this time if it is His will.

I pray for clarity in the coming weeks as doors continue to open or begin to close.  God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.